Leave your snarky attitudes at the door…

I was listening to an NPR interview in our car the other day and the woman being interviewed was an author of a best selling book on her mothering experience. I liked much of what she was saying as she had written and blogged in a very straightforward manner about her experiences, saying things that many mothers must feel but haven’t the outlet or confidence to say openly.

But then it happened and she triggered what’s become one of my worst bugaboos, she began talking about her teenagers in a very snarky, negative manner, when in fact her kids sounded pretty OK. Marcy and I write about the importance of parents understanding developmental stages in our book and common misunderstandings about how children develop, the “terrible twos” being one hugely misunderstood stage and the ages from about 12-18 being another hugely misunderstood or little understood time in your child’s life.

If you obsess about and declare that the “twos” will be terrible then they undoubtedly will be terrible and you have a successful, self made, self fulfilling prophecy on your hands. We never experienced the “terrible twos” in our family because we were both aware of our child’s developmental stage then and that knowledge allowed us to help or sons through these periods with very little stress. In fact, we greatly enjoyed our sons’ teenage years, having already established trust, communication, mutual respect, and our expectations for them. Many of their friends had a much harder time, but the point is that if you determine that your child’s teenage experience within your family is going to be awful for everyone, it most likely will be awful for everyone. If it has become awful for everyone, quite possibly because of a lack of knowledge, empathy and a snarky attitude on the parents part, it will remain toxic for a far longer time unless you proactively address the situation and try to turn it around with honest, open, and respectful communication.