Imperfect Parenting
I was always curious about not only who my children would become, but who they were at any given moment, independent of me or my “help.”
That is not to say that some of the time I didn’t feel bored or stifled by the day-to-day reality of raising my children. I was fascinated by the process, but I did not feel the need to idolize or idealize my kids or the process of parenting.
There were times when I just felt so tugged at and stressed, and I felt that I needed to assert myself into the equation that was our family. It wasn’t all about the children. It couldn’t be. For instance, after some years of driving them to this practice or that event, there were moments when I said, “Sorry, if you want to go you’ll have to find a way to get there yourself.”
If I hadn’t been working full time maybe I wouldn’t have felt that way, but I also felt it wasn’t my duty to figure out every little thing for my child. I knew they were capable and talented, and so I had more invested in them learning how to become independent than in facilitating every last thing they wanted to be involved in. It was just impossible for me.
So I didn’t attend every game, every performance or every ceremony. I wasn’t a PTA mother or a den leader or a coach. And yes, that did cause hurt feelings, and I did feel like a “bad mother” when my children felt let down by things I couldn’t or wouldn’t do. It took some explaining and some apologizing, but who among us does this parenting thing perfectly? Perfection is not possible nor desirable, and the more often we can let that impulse go, the more joy we will find in our family relationships.


